This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
