Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
