I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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