She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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