I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
