So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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