I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
