so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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