I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
