never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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