Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
