where does the pee come out of this thing
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
