That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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