I molested 6 butterflies tonight
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
