Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Someone signed my nipple.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
