I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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