she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
