When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
