i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
