My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
