If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
