so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
