She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
