Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
