And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
