We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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