Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
