sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
is it fun? or sober?
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