Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
