Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
