I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
