You just made me feel so damn special
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
