wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
