Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
