Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
