Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize