I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize