Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
