i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
