There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
being pregnant is like rehab
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
