My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
