Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
