I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I want her autograph on my taint
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
