just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you win again, gameday.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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