have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
