The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
