Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
