Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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