Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
