I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
