"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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