I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
