I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
