oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
