i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
