Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
