Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
