Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
