a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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