So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
