Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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