Cold hands, warm shart.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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