Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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