You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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