found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize