what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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