So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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