look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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