its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
