Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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